Bruh!!! I found out some stuff today that made my heart heavy and im going through it. Not gonna lie. How am I supposed to handle that Lord. I feel like it’s one bad news after the next. Even though I guess this situation isn’t really that bad but it still is effecting me because I care. Ehhh then again based on what perspective am I looking at this situation? Girl, I don’t know. Who knows?…..God knows, right and does. So who shall I go to? God. I shall take it to His thrown of grace and leave it there. A part of me is still processing my feelings even though I am definitely reminding myself that He will works all things together for the good of those who love Him(Romans8:28). But MY GOD come on let it just work together today. Can we catch a break down here?…….No, heard you. Got it. Not really sure how to feel with the news that was given to me but we are going to keep it cute and not let my feelings get the best of me. Proud of you girl, usually you just say it is what it is but we are changing gears because that’s not the best way to process my feelings but I can’t dwell on things. I can’t change it by allowing my feelings to determine my day and my actions. What I CAN do is take it God in prayer and leave it there.
I woke up feeling amaze though, thank ya Lord! Finally started back the gym and all I could think about is why do people suffer like this lol. I was ready to call it quits. Reminding myself every second I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me(Philip. 4:13), does it apply to physical strength, that scripture? Not sure but I am sure going to continue to tell myself it does lol because hunty we need all that strength for the gym.
Somethings girl you have to keep off your mind by combatting it with the word so you’re not dwelling on it. Everytime it pops up to remind you of something you should not be focused on pull up that word. Dwelling turns to worry, which then turns into stress and anxiety. Then I will start obsessing, uh uh we are cutting that off real quick.
Throughout the day I couldn’t help but wonder am I being punished? Or am I being tested? Not going to lie, feels the same, which sucks. Then again, do I know that for sure, that they feel the same? You know you don’t but im learning some things about God as I read Job. One; God really had faith in Job, in my mind and it reminds me of me. He created us in His likeness and image and I do that, test peoples love for me. Feels like I truly do reflect Him in my behaviors but it was perverted clearly because I tend to have faith in the wrong people smh. Out here testing false love. Trying to stand 10 toes down for someone that wouldn’t do the same for me. Thank ya Lord for opening my eyes and saving me from continuous disappointment. Imagine Job cursing God the moment he lost everything? Smh.
Came to the conclusion that, God is the only one I can trust. He won’t let me down and He won’t just leave me alone. Love that for me but hold on back to Job. Job was hurting so bad he didn’t even want his friends telling him nothing about himself or talking to him period. They were trying to uplift him and just be there with him to give him comfort in his time of grief, he was not having it. Note to self; keep friends around you that will uplift you, hold you accountable and just be that support when needed. Job was to through. He said okay you took all my physical things but then you take my kids and my house. On top of all of that he got real sick. My guy is grieving, I understand him but wanting to die though?! Job hunnie that’s a little extreme or is it?! I mean homeboy lost his kids and everything he had. Whew chile help me Holy Spirit because God didn’t necessarily do those things to him but He allowed the enemy to do those things to him to test him. I feel like im being tested not gonna lie but either way im trying hard to make sure my heart posture is right. Help me Lord because it’s easy to harden your heart but Holy Spirt check me. Check my heart Lord if it’s ever not right. If there’s ever something is my heart that doesn’t reflect you, that isn’t pleasing to you reveal it please because I don’t ever want to be not in right standing with you. I don’t want to be pretty on the outside and have a nasty heart. Lord, imagine. I don’t want to go back to that person.
Today’s Lesson; In every situation PRAY……Don’t allow your feelings to dictate your life….
Signing off this until tomorrow….
Stay ANCHORED IN HIS TRUTH