I really can’t believe im sitting here crying and I cant even say I don’t know what I am crying for but a part of me is like girl it’s not that deep. Is this really worth crying for? You are really crying because you and people do not talk anymore? You are really crying because you didn’t get invited somewhere? You are really crying because you have no “friends”? Girl bye, you are being sensitive. Im literally telling myself that but then I hear that small voice in the back of my mind thats telling me, im not likable, im not enough, I do to much and thats why I have no friends. Which I know for sure is a lie. I know it’s a lie because I know who am. At my core, I know why God has separated me. I know why He allowed people to walk away from me. I guess I just didnt realize it would feel like this. I did not realize I would care so much but it is what it is.
Im trying to do better and be better. Im trying to grow. Not everyone is in that headspace which is what God definitely revealed to me but at the same time I don’t know where my headspace is half the time lol. My mind is usually all over the place. The time to be super focused is now. The time to definitely keep my focus on God is now. 2024 was not a bad year at all which is the crazy thing. I traveled a lot. I was more consistent with my business. I held my own pop-ups. God has revealed so much and given me so much wisdom concerning certain things in my life. I have matured. I really cannot complain. I look back over 2024 and realize im blessed. Things I use to struggle with I struggle with no more. Things I was addicted to im addicted to no more. Only God! This will be my second full year not working for “the man” and that was something only God could have done, especially with being able to travel and everything.
I thank God for everything. I Thank God He gave me the strength to leave a toxic relationship that was doing nothing but taking from me. Literally all my energy was going to this relationship and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was super distracted. I loved him but he clearly did not love me and when I came to the realization of that, when I stopped sinning with this man lol my eyes were very much open. I was really blinded by sex 😩. A part of me knew this was a lost cause and he was all talk but I wanted so bad for it to be true that I was literally sacrificing myself smh. I know God was to through with me. I was to through with me. As I sought God more, the more He revealed to me and the more I started coming back to the reality of the situation. God literally restored my fragmented soul.
I care to much sometimes smh which I really dislike about myself because it puts me in situations that I sometimes cant get out of. I also just end up getting violated, or taken advantage of which is not okay. I end up being taking for a foolio smh. Not this year though, real rap no cap lol. I am not accepting stupidity from no one, not even family. They are not exempt. Boundaries will be set. Cheers to putting God first and then myself. You cannot pour from an empty cup and there has been to many times that I was pouring from an empty cup and giving what I should have been doing for God. Yea, thank you Lord for the separating but one things for certain, 2 things for sure GOD I NEED YOU LIKE NVER BEFORE. Real rap no cap lol, like no forreal. This life is ghetto and I can’t do this year or any other year moving forward without Him.
Im leaving behind doubts, unbelief, feelings of inadequacy, fear, perverse perspectives, expectations of others, need for reassurance of people, extending myself without checking on myself and some other stuff that I cant think of right now but it’ll come to me later on.
Embracing Gods love, Gods grace, faith, trusting in God, new seasons, true love, genuine support, genuine concern, consistency, the stretching of growth, righteous living, Gods timing, Gods promises, the real me, God in me
Staying Anchored in His Truth ❤️