Relationships are so difficult. Just when I thought I knew someone, I find out I really do not know them as much as I thought I did. Then again everyone changes I guess. It sucks to see people that you may have once cared about or had a relationship with just gone. Then trying to maintain the ones you have are….I don’t even know. Sometimes just a lot. I think I just be caring little bit to much and mi no like that! I don’t want to be heartless and just walking around with an I don’t care about no-one or nothing attitude because I definitely used to be like that. I do believe im changing but its to much lol. I need a nice medium. I pray things become easier, in the relationships that I find difficult right now, just one touch is what the relationship needs. That is my prayer that is my cry. Just one touch Lord. For the relationship with my family and my friends. Show me how to be a good steward over the relationships and connections I have.
Today I had to definitely take my rest day since yesterday was not that. I sometimes dont like rest days because im left with my thoughts. Inquiring minds would like to know how do we just shut them off lol, there has to be a way to just like mute them for a bit. All I could think about were all the things I could be doing. The struggle is real because do I even want to really do those things no lol but I know they gotta get done and I could be doing that instead of resting.
Today was ehhhhh I loved that I got to catch up on some of my bible study and of course I was overthinking the rest of the day. I think thats what made the day real blah because I was okay then not okay and I know it was only because of my stupid thoughts. I know that I have so much to do which isn’t the issue its more so the fact that im doing all these things for my business and my personal life and nothing. Just nothing. It makes me second guess and question. Thank God I do not hold stuff in anymore and im more vocal about what’s frustrating me. Come on growth! Im not necessarily vocal to everyone else but to my Heavenly Father, oh for sure im going to let Him know what’s tea for real. In doing so he heard my humble cry and He came through with answering. Making Him know I am weak and in need is it for me. I had to let God know that I am tired and a little overwhelmed. Father I know what you told me, what you have promised and I know what your word says but it’s a little frustrating sometimes because I see no fruit. I sometimes wonder if im laboring in vain even though I know that im not so im literally here fighting but I refuse for their to stay there, in a place of self pity. Leaning on the Lord is literally the only option. Trusting His word is the option, the answer. When I try to stop and try to rest I realize ive been overstimulated, overthinking and doing to much basically so need to rest. Lord help your daughter out because I dont know how I am going to make it, how I am going to do everything you have assigned me to do and be who you have created me to be. At times, it doesn’t even feel attainable but whatever that looks like I know for a fact I need you Lord.
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