I sometimes feel, no, not sometimes all the time. All the time, mmm, 95% of the time I feel like I do not know what im doing. As much as I try I never really know what step to take. I feel as though I am like Peter walking on the water. Nothing surrounding me, just open space, Jesus ahead and my security, the boat, behind me. Im out here doing something I have never done before and all I can do is keep my eyes on the one who has told me to come, keep my eyes on the one who has called me. This walk is difficult. How long will I be out here? What if I start sinking? What if I drown? It feels as though I am sinking at times. It’s dark and cold. The feeling of loneliness creeps in and the silence is loud. Overwhelming at time but I am becoming more appreciative of the silence but then I am left with the loudness of my thoughts. Thoughts of doubt. Thoughts of remorse and regret. Thoughts of sadness. Thoughts of vanity. Thoughts of anger. Then there is hardly no room to hear from my maker. I often times question if I was supposed to even get off of the boat but im here now and there’s no going back there is only forward. Things may not be what I want it to be in this season but im resting in this season, learning that there are things I need to learn. I am realizing God has greater works to do in and through me but I need this season for my next. Even if I have no idea what is next. I know He knows and if I am walking with Him, he will reveal it in due time.
